you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Even my vagina gasped.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
