her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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