hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
