Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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