Porn is love you can see.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
