i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
