Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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