i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
