Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize