I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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