I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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