If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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