I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
