Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
