My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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