Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
