After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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