I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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