I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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