What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
