I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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