cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize