i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
