I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
