Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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