corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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