so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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