I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
