You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
