Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
