If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
