is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
should my penis look like a turkey
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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