I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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