that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
