He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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