im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
