we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
