apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
