I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
