Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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