i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
