porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
