Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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