dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
