Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My dick has a subreddit
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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