Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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