wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
