there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
