Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
