She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
