We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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