I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
