Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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