Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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