i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize