What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
