Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
