they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize