mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
